"whatever you do, dont get distracted."
the man kept repeating this to us, over and over, as if for some reason we needed to hear it more than anything else. we stood around, waiting for this "game," as it felt like, to start. i could feel the warm sand beneath my feet, and see it for miles leading in to lush grassy fields ahead...but i couldnt start out on the wrong foot by concentrating too much on the scenery. nah, i got this, he said all we have to do is dont get distracted, who can't do a simple task like that?
i dont know who the boy was with us, or the girl, all i know is that we were in this together trying to make it to the end. we were chosen to follow this man, this leader... and i dont know why. i also dont know where we were going or what might lie ahead...all i knew is that we were to follow him, no matter what, and that if we did that no harm would come to us.
we started out walking close to him, he was not too far ahead. the area was beautiful, and up ahead we could see a house we were to enter. the house seemed nice enough, but once going inside it was much more run-down and dark than expected. we looked around a bit as we were walking through this path inside the house the leader had lined out, but didnt turn our heads much. but then i look up- and i dont see him. i knew he was still there, he was close, but i couldnt see him anymore. i strained my neck but guessed that i should just keep going straight, assuming he would show up eventually. i heard people. sounds like a party going on in one of the rooms.. soon enough we were walking through the party room, people to my left dancing and having cocktails in their nice black party dresses. then suddenly someone tries to pull me away..."come on kelsey!" she said. "come eat with us, theres a bunch of people over here waiting on you." the urge was suddenly so so strong to go with her....no. i cant. the goal, i have to keep it in mind. im supposed to follow him, always. but, then again, i cant even really see him right now...will he even notice? ah i wanted to go so badly, so irrationally. the girl who was with me in this game gradually walks over to the side of the room with the party. i yelled for her to stay with us, even grabbed for her, but it was too late. she was never coming back. she had no chance of winning this game now, she will be stuck there until who knows when....
i finally made up my mind to keep walking with the guy who was still left in the game. why was my mind acting so irrationally?! is it really that hard to follow one simple rule: dont get distracted. what was my problem, im a grown, educated, and logical woman, what could that group really have to offer me thats better? i had cleared my mind a little for now. still didnt see our leader but felt that we were getting closer. suddenly a man comes out to talk to us. he is asking so many questions and talking about what he needs from us. i have never seen him before, but he has a sneaky-ness about him....a countenance that makes me feel as if we will be taken advantage of if we tarry any longer with him. i wanted to talk to him so badly and find out what it was he was needing so desperately...but we kept walking. and as soon as we got past him it was as if i felt a sense of immediate relief. just like i felt when i walked past the "party" that had sucked in my friend.
we continue down this hallway in the house...there are so many distractions now. everywhere i turn it is as if something is needing me, wanting me, or offering me something so so tempting. but i resist, somehow. i dont know how, because at this point it is as if i have to put my head down in order to just make it past these things a few more steps.
to my right there is a door cracked open. seems like just a plain, grey colored closet door, but man do i want to know what is in there...its dark inside. so pitch black. the guy who is left in the game wants to know whats inside even more badly than i.... before i know it, he is walking off the pathway toward this door... i yelled for him- stop! dont do it we are so close! we have almost made it to the end!!! but to no avail. he slowly and intently creeps up to it and opens the crack a little wider....and starts to walk in..... whatever was inside must have been intriguing, because thats the last i saw of him.
now, by this time, i just felt so defeated. i felt as if i had been trying so hard this whole time and seen no results at all. i mean, what was this whole thing even for anyway?? it didnt seem to matter that i didnt know details at first, but now...now, after i worked so hard to just stay focused on this so-called "path" that would get me to the right place, laid out by the man who called himself a leader... now i really want to just know WHY. everyone else failed! this was so much harder than i expected, but now i feel that i have earned something havent i??
regardless, i keep walking. my head is always down now, just staring at one foot ahead is about all i have left in me. suddenly, its a little brighter. im not inside the house anymore. and, gasp! is that him? the leader! hes right in front of me! standing on the lushest grass ive ever seen. ah i feel so tired now, so worn, but yet fulfilled. i am overcome by a sense of guilt for ever doubting he didnt have my absolute best in mind.. and mostly, a sense of peace fills me, inside and out. its ok that i had to work so hard on what should have been an easy task.. its ok that i know others who didnt make it. its OK. he's here. and he's with me. and we made it. i won, and i dont know what my prize is yet, but all i can see is Him.
